Deep Cover
by zebraboymom
Summary: Cragen is retiring, but before he leaves he has some shocking news for Olivia. News that will change her life. E/O
1. Chapter 1

**Deep Cover**

**Chapter One**

**Zebraboymom**

**Disclaimer: If they were mine I would die a happy woman. I just keep livin' the dream.**

**Author Notes: Hi everyone. I wonder if you even remember me. It's been over a year since my last story post. I took time off to finish a book about the life of my grandmother and then did a TV treatment. Don't know what will become of either one, but at least I followed through with my goals. This story has been on my mind for over six months, so finally here it is. As always I am unapologetically E/O, so please don't start with the trolling. There are so many great stories out there that aren't about these two. Enjoy them. That's the beauty of fanfic, we get to day dream a little. I will always love these two together so much. Sigh…This story is set when Cragen retired at the end of season 14 and picks up as he is saying good-bye to the squad. **

Olivia carefully schooled her features as Cragen finished his farewell to the squad. How many more losses could she survive and keep it together? Now the one man she looked to as a father was leaving. For her it was different. She thought of them all as her family. She was losing her "dad". She already lost a brother with Munch leaving and Elliot…was like losing a spouse. She had loved him with every fiber of her being, but his total failure to even try for a relationship outside of work had hurt her so deeply she felt her heart would never recover.

"Liv?"

"Liv?"

"Liv!"

She shook her head to clear all of her miserable thoughts for a minute.

"Hey, where'd you go?"

"Sorry Cap, I just…"

"Liv, a word?"

"Uh, yeah…"

The rest of the squad was staring at her as she followed Cragen into his office.

To her surprise he closed his door and drew the blinds. She stood awkwardly while he turned the two chairs in his office to face each other and gestured for her to sit down.

Olivia hated those chairs. Most of the time when she sat in them her partner had occupied one of them and they were being chewed out for something they had done or not done. It was usually because they were fighting. Liv would give anything to fight with Elliot right about now.

When she stayed frozen in place, Cragen gently pressed his hand to her back, guiding her into one and him self into the other.

This could not be good. He must think she was going to fall apart. As he reached for one of her hands and pressed it between both of his their eyes locked and she knew this was going to be bad.

"Cap, what is it? I promise I am okay. You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine and…"

"Liv, now that you are in charge I have to pass the baton to you. That means you are now able to know any and everything that has to do with this squad. You are responsible for everyone under you. This is going to be hard to say and please don't hate me for what I am about to tell you, but I was not able to tell you any of this until you were officially in charge."

"Cap, you know I will take care of them. All three of them are like family to me."

"Four."

"What? No Captain, Munch is gone."

"I know that, but you are responsible for four officers, Olivia. That's why I brought you in here. I need to tell you something that I think is going to make you happy and terrified at the same time."

"I'm confused. What are you saying?"

"Olivia, I couldn't tell you this before, but there is another detective on the squad that has been undercover, deep, deep cover for the last almost three years. He answers only to me and now he will answer only to you."

Liv, couldn't wrap her arms around this revelation. Her heart began to speed up and she felt it pounding against her rib cage.

"Cap?"

"It's Elliot Liv. He never left the unit for real. That was a cover. He has been undercover this entire time."

"What? How?"

"It was only supposed to be for six months, so I couldn't say anything. That's why he never returned your calls Liv. He couldn't."

"Where has he been all this time? What about Kathy? What about the kids? Captain, this isn't right."

"I know Liv. Kathy agreed to the six months when Elliot promised he would retire when the assignment was over, but at the end of the six months he had been so accepted into the cartel that they took him to Columbia for training. No one heard from him for two years. During that time Kathy divorced him and moved on. She actually got engaged last summer. It was a hard time. He managed to contact me only twice while he was down there and that was over six months ago. I honestly thought they killed him. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you any of this, but it was orders from 1PP."

"But he's alive?"

"Yes and back here in the states. He's getting close to closing the case. He's in deep with the main players. It's very dangerous Liv and we only meet once every two weeks. I am scheduled to meet him in three days, but it will be you who makes contact. He's pretty much a wreck over losing his family, but this operation has changed him, Liv. Just be aware that he has become hard through all this. He's seen much worse things than shooting that girl, but if anyone can reach him it's you."

Liv pulled her hand out of Cragens and stood to pace aimlessly around his office. This was too much to take in.

"I don't believe you. You kept this from me all this time?"

"I'm sorry Liv, I was afraid he might get killed and I didn't want you to live in fear every day trying to do your job and not knowing where he was or how he was doing."

Liv could feel her heart breaking at Don's words.

"How will I…m…make contact."

"I have a meeting with him starting tomorrow night. Remember my fishing cabin? We meet there. It gives him a chance to get a break. He stays for a couple of days with me. He tells his "boss" he goes to see his mother. They trust him enough now that he is free to come and go. That came at a price. It may take him some time to trust you again fully, but I know how close you two were and I have hope that you can get through to him."

Liv stood dumbfounded. She was in a state of shock. Everything she had been feeling towards Elliot…all the anger just fell away and a sick feeling of dread replaced it. She knew Elliot and she knew this kind of undercover would shatter him if he were as deep in as she thought he was.

Seeing her expression, Cragen took her in his arms and hugged her.

"It'll be okay, Liv. The whole operation could be over in the next six months. He is that close to having all the players in his pocket. Now cheer up, pack a bag and take this key to my cabin. This file will bring you up to date on the whole operation. It's pretty ugly what he's had to endure. Elliot doesn't know I retired Liv. He won't be expecting you, so tread lightly, okay? If you come hard at him, he might break down. He asks about you every time we're together and it's been killing him to know all you've been going through without him by your side. He regrets the choice he made Liv. He really does, so be gentle, okay?

Liv thought about the kind of guilt El would carry and she realized she just wanted to see him, to look into those beautiful blue eyes and get lost.

Cragen's voice pulled her out of her head for a moment. He looked around his office.

"Oh, and Olivia? Do something with the place will ya?"

He smiled softly at her and he slipped out of his door for the last time, looking at it as he went.

As soon as Cragen was out of sight, Olivia sat down hard behind his desk, folded her arms, buried her face in them and wept. Two and a half years and she thought he didn't care enough to stay in touch. He had gone into deep cover like the guy they met during the exotic animal sting years ago. She remembered how he told her he had lost everything. Was that true for Elliot? How was his family dealing? How had it changed him? Would she even recognize the man she fell in love with years ago?

**A/N: Next chapter, the cabin.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Deep Cover**

**Chapter Two**

**Zebraboymom**

**Disclaimer: If they were mine I would die a happy woman. I just keep livin' the dream.**

**Author Notes: Liv meets Elliot at the cabin after almost three years apart. Sorry for the delay. Very busy season at work, so my updates may not be very close together.**

Liv had driven like a woman possessed all the way to Cragen's cabin. Her mind was filled with images of Elliot. How would he look? What would she say? How would he take the revelation that she was now his "handler"?

One thing she knew for sure. All she wanted was to be with him. Life had been like a desert for her since the day Cragen told her he wasn't coming back. Tears blinded her momentarily and she wiped them aside, pressing on towards the one person who mattered more than anything else in her world. She had tried to forget him, but it was a useless effort. He was her other half plain and simple. She needed to fill that void that he had left behind.

She froze in shock as she pulled up to the cabin and spotted a car. He had beaten her there.

She parked and climbed slowly out of her car, reaching for her go bag with her stuff. Once on the porch her nerves started to get the better of her. She schooled her face into a blank expression, took a deep breath and turned the handle of the door. She would be "fine" as always.

"Elliot?"

Her soft call was met with silence. The cabin was empty. Placing her bag by the sofa in front of the fireplace she made a quick search of the two bedrooms to confirm that it really was empty. Where was Elliot?

She made her way back outside and saw a path leading towards the lake.

With a firm resolve, she started down the path and as she cleared the trees to reveal the lake she stumbled and caught herself.

He stood with his back to her, hands in his back pockets, staring out at the lake. He looked just like she remembered him. He was dressed casually in jeans and a leather jacket, but it was her partner.

She quietly approached him, but before she could get close enough he called out.

"Hey Cap."

With a shaky voice she caused him to spin around.

"It's me El."

"Liv?"

It was as if no time had passed. Their eyes locked and that special communication they always had kicked in.

_What are you doing here? Why didn't you tell me? I'm sorry. I've missed you. _

Finally Liv spoke.

"So Stabler. What's a girl gotta do to get you to talk to her?"

"I…"

"What? The infamous Elliot Stabler doesn't have a quick witted reply?"

Their eyes remained locked on each other. Out in the sun like this the blue pools mesmerized her as always. They were impossibly bluer than she remembered.

"Where's Cragen?"

"Funny thing about that. He retired out of the blue. I'm the temporary Captain, so you're stuck with me now."

"Liv, I…"

"I know. All the way here I wanted to be angry with you. I wanted to kill you for this stunt. I was so sure when I saw you I would either slap you or punch you or swear at you, but I can't because I have never been so happy to see your face, you jerk."

Liv's voice started to quaver on the last two words and in an instant he was standing before her dragging her into his arms. They stood like that for several long minutes, just holding each other and breathing softly. He smelled just the way she remembered. The warmth from his firm body enveloped her like a tonic and she just reveled in the closeness. She felt herself go limp in his arms and he pulled her even closer before his hand slipped into her hair and he kissed her temple softly.

"I'm sorry Liv. I'm so sorry. I left you right when you needed me most. Cap kept me up to date on what was happening with you. He told me about Lewis. It killed me. I was in Columbia when he attacked you and when it went to trial. I'd only been back a couple of months when I found out he escaped and took you hostage again. I begged 1PP to let me see you, but Don said they refused. I was too close to finishing the case to break my cover. I…I drove by your place several times only to find out you'd moved in with Cassidy. Cassidy? Liv…"

"Don't start Elliot. He was there when I was feeling alone and vulnerable. You weren't there. My best friend was gone without a word. You son-of-a…"

Liv started to hit Elliot in the chest and her anger came alive the more she hit him. Elliot just stood and let her beat him. She hadn't intended to react like this, but it still hurt to relive the abandonment she had felt.

"Go ahead Liv. I deserve it. I deserve a lot worse. I screwed up my life, my family and my partnership…I lost everything. It was all me."

Liv was sobbing now and she tried to shove Elliot back and turn away to the cabin, but he was too fast and caught her by the wrist, pulling her flush with his chest again.

"I won't walk away from you again Liv. I won't."

"Yeah, right."

"You're a fine one to talk. You walked away from me enough times. And for the record, I was undercover."

"That's a cheap shot, Elliot, even for you."

"You really don't have a clue how much you hurt me back then do you?"

"Getting right down to it, huh? Well, Cap was right about one thing. You have changed. What happened to the guy who kept everything inside and never said what he meant?"

Elliot pushed her back to stare into her eyes.

"He realized how fragile life is and how it can change in a heart beat. I don't have the luxury of hiding any more. Every day could be my last."

"No that is definitely not the Stabler I know. Don't say things like that El."

Elliot loosened his hold and put space between them.

"Yeah, well, I live with a different perspective now."

"How so?"

Elliot looked at Liv's upturned face.

"Oh, the hell with it…"

He took her face in both hands and kissed her passionately.

Liv was startled and didn't respond right away, but then she found herself pressing closer into his arms and returning his kiss. She just stopped thinking and went for it.

The moment over fifteen years in coming was finally happening. Liv was stunned in the sudden change in their relationship, but happiness settled deep inside her and she fell deeper under the spell that had been cast over them. This was not what she expected when she drove out here.

Elliot finally pulled back and pressed his forehead to hers. They were both breathing heavily and he gently moved her head to his shoulder, tangling his fingers in her hair.

"God Liv. I've thought about doing that for the last three years and praying for a chance to. Truth be told, I've thought about it since almost the day I met you, but back then it was lust. Now it's something so deep I can't even begin to explain it."

"You don't have to. When you left, I felt empty. Half of me was gone. I cried for months and months."

Liv pulled back from Elliot's embrace and locked eyes with him.

"You hurt me El. I was convinced I didn't matter to you at all until you sent me the medallion."

"I know. I've lost so much sleep thinking about what happened at the end. Even when I did sleep you haunted my dreams. Liv, I…"

Olivia didn't think she was ready to hear his confessional just yet and after the way he just kissed her she wanted some time to just be together in this sudden new intimacy.

"Let's go up to the cabin, okay? I brought some food and I skipped breakfast."

Elliot smiled and stepped back.

"So some things never change."

"And some do."

He smiled softly down into her beautiful brown eyes.

They walked side-by-side matching strides as always until the path narrowed and they had to go single file. Elliot watched her hips sway as she climbed the slope up to the cabin. He had always had her back until that day in the squad room. The guilt over how her life had gone without him there to guard her almost broke him. He made a silent promise to himself that once this op was over he would never leave her alone again.


End file.
